Remember: all that glitters is not gold

In regards to one said Keith Miner, after a brief but intense incounter session we were able to deprogram his Pavlovian conditioning.  This was done mainly by allowing him to see that the natural world really is the color green, that the stars of the milky way are easily seen on a clear night and that the sound of silence is indeed possible.

 

Prior to that he thought that green referred to money, stars to Holywood personalities, milky way to a candy bar, and the sound of silence to a song by Simon and Garfunkel.  Having now reach a deeper degree of both physical, spiritual and mental insight we have sent him back to spread discontent among the natives.

 

As to his continuous omissions, we were able to counter that with a couple of Beano pills.   We in the great state of Oh-rain-on-yah are not worried about SUV's or Hummers.  For one thing they will never make it to our great state, there isn't enough money to fill their gas tanks.

 

Yes we are aware of the physocological discontinuity between the southern and northern half of your state.  We feel that with counseling, love ins, wearing flowers in your hair, lots of prayerand fasting that healing may be possible for your "state of delusion".  If none of that works, doubling your daily dose of Prosac may help.  

 

As to his propensity towards graffiti, we have been able to take this latent talent and turn it into a positive trait.  He has been commissioned to paint the inside of our capital dome with scenes depicting the natural beauty of our state.

 

It has been discovered that late night "bull" sessions with his sibling and a trained counselor have inabled him for the first time to express his inner self in a way that has allowed him to let go of his anger and aggressive tendencies.  WARNING: His new found inner peace and tranquility has brought him to a point of enlightenment that will spread love and joy to all those that he now feels the freedom to hug.

 

As to camp fires, we have shown him the foolishness of such primitive expressions of thinking and acting in the belief that it is necessary to have them inorder to get in tune with nature.  We did this by showing him short videos of the fires in your "state of confussion."

 

We return this wonder filled ambassador of hope to the hopless, of love to the unloveable, peace to the dicontented, and joy to the depressed of your state.  May his awakened condition stir the yearnings of migration within your hearts and minds.

 

Love from your northern kin, hope to see you soon